bonafiscaliadad (bonafiscaliadad) wrote in lost_loved_ones,
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Julia (bonafiscalia) on June 19, 2010

It will have been +/- 6 months tomorrow. Julia, 20 years old, our only child (not our choice !), fell over and died. Just like that. There is no "but she had....." or "but she was ...." or another person or situation to "blame". She just died. Suddenly, unexpectedly, painless for her (so we have been told by all doctors) and unimaginably painful for us. Life as we knew it ended and now we're starting to pick up the pieces because LIFE GOES ON. (official cause of death: natural causes, pulmonary embolism caused by a massive thrombosis of unknown and unexplainable origin, no known risk factors of any kind, just the non-perfect human machine)

Men and women grief differently. We all know this. We have had much help from friends, family and the "Verein für verwaiste Eltern Hamburg e.V. - which is the local German equivalent of "The Compassionate Friends" (check locally if they have exist in your country or at www.compassionatefriends.org in the US. They list other countries as well). We used to hear "Times heals all wounds", today I know that is not true but I am really trying to learn to live with the pain. I do not want to forget, I do not want the "wound" to heal, I don't want to "get over it and move on" - I want my daughter back or at the very least to learn to bear the pain and go on living. I know she can't come back but I also know I can be happy again, I can go on living and in time I be able to live with the pain.

I have come to understand, that many people do not know how to react and that only parents who have lost a child - never should a child die before his/her parents - can truly understand the situation we're. But there is help out there, we just have to do the work and a) find it and b) let ourselves be helped. Nobody said it would be easy - it is NOT. Nobody warned us.

One of my ways of dealing : I'm using the MacBook we gave her, I started my own facebook page and now I started my own LJ. Trying to understand her private world better helps sooth the pain.
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